Tuesday, September 7, 2010

just a few thoughts...

I know I have not been posting much lately- not that I haven't wanted to, I've just been out of sorts it seems. Life is happening all around me, and I just can't keep up. I am sitting at the computer now, headphones on trying to drown out the sound of an audio book playing across the room, hoping that I might actually be able to hear the thoughts in my head. I've got a piece of paper beside me to add to the over growing (funny, I just caught that typo, but I am leaving it because it is also true) "to do" list in hopes that if I get them on paper I can get them out of my head and lessen the static.

We are in our second week of school and I am struggling- I was emailing my sister, to congratulate her on her new job, and found my emotions making their way out of my finger tips into the email... and that is when I knew it was time to sit and write. I love how clarity comes as I put my feeling on paper (or screen). I asked the question " how can I be everything I need to be to these children- homeschooled or not?" The job is overwhelming. but even as I type, I know the answer.

I can not be everything these children need.

And my struggles right now (feeling both ready to give up (homeschooling) and unwilling to do so all at once.) all find their root in my pride and stubbornness. In trying to do it in my own strength instead of His. He is waiting for me, but instead of accepting His help I just keeping going- in futility- I think I actually go backward instead of forward. When will I learn? When will I stop fighting on my own and let Him fight for me?

2 Corinthians 12:9

He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me.

Today, I will rejoice in my weakness, and that, if I let Him, Christ can use that weakness and be glorified in it; and I will rejoice that:

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

I've been standing still too long. Paralyzed by life. Today is the day, I put on my running shoes and start running after Jesus.


Jennifer said...

Oh, Amy, I am so sorry you are having a hard first couple weeks. Will be praying for you! Let's talk soon...

Anonymous said...

Amy, I've read your blog for a long time now and I homeschool our three girls - 4, 6 and 7. I wanted you to know that I understand and appreciate your honest post today. I am praying for you as you run to the Savior...it's the best feeling to know He's always there. I also have been feeling the strain of "it all" lately and find that the time with my Lord is my only source of strength and peace. Pray to Him to lead you to what He needs you to do. Then ask your husband what he needs...you'd be amazed at how much we try to accomplish because we think that's what our husbands expect..only to find they are happy with much more simple lives. Then, remember putting God first, teaching our kids to love God and honoring our husbands is all we have to do today. You can do it with Christ Amy!

Mama Bear said...


I feel like I've been in your moment for a while. I wrote a post that was very similar back in May, I think.

Today, I'm at my grumpiest because aunt flow is coming and surprisingly the kids are probably fine but I'm a loose cannon and think that they're not.
My boys have spent most of the day today playing Lego and I just don't have it in me to sit down with them. I wanted to go for a hike this morning and now it's past lunch and I don't know if we'll make it there. I think by your honesty you've just given me some urge to hike. Forget the math, the latin, the dishes and whatever else was planned. We're going.

bless you
I can see your mountain coming.


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